Trigger Warning: my very personal, visceral experience of the Boston Marathon.
do you ever just stop and think of a memory and you suddenly feel everything that you felt that day? This happens to me every time I remember the Boston Marathon Bombings. It seems like a nightmare to me sometimes, like I never really experienced, just a figment of my imagination. Like I can’t be as whole as I am after an event like that but I am (fairly) whole. When I think back to that day, I immediately feel my stomach drop out of my body, I almost gasp. I think back to standing at the fence and being excited, being ready to jump in and run with friends. I remember the first bomb— it sounded just like fireworks— and I remember the look on my best friends face as our eyes connected at the exact moment we realized those were not fireworks. I remember someone, maybe me, yelling RUN. I remember not even turning fully around before was slammed to the ground. And then I don’t remember much, my instincts kicked in. I know I got up and I know I jumped over the fence around the restaurant I was standing in front off. I know I dodged tables and I know I got stuck between a big round table and the wall. I know I climbed over it and I headed to the back of the restaurant. I know I paced before wedged myself btw two corners of the wall and then finally heading to the kitchen. I know I did all these things but I don’t remember making the decisions. There were no decisions there was just do. It was autopilot, survival mode, fight or flight.