The Next Step Is.....
I feel like I have written this post before. Maybe not. But big changes are coming for me. All good things but all scary things. To say I'm freaking out a little is an understatement.
Tomorrow, Monday, June 1st, I am starting my doctorate of physical therapy program at Massachusetts General Hospital Institute of Health Professions.... finally!?... yay!?.... too soon!
It's a crazy thing that I can't really wrap my mind around it. I've been trying to get to this point for so long and it's finally here and I don't believe it. I mean I know I deserve it and I know I am ready for this next step but it just doesn't feel real.
I've spent a long chunk of the day talking to my boyfriend about all the above and I feel like I am talking in circles. He and everyone keep reassuring me that I will be fine and I will kick ass. AND they are right. But, I'm still hesitant. I can't fully express why I don't believe that this next step is real.
But then I realized, I am scared. I am scared shitless. Of what you might ask? Making friends? no Studying? daunting but not really. The commute? Not looking forward to it but no. I am scared of failing. There I said it. I am scared that after all this time I am not going to be a good physical therapist. I'm scared that I won't make it through the rigorous coursework. I'm scared that I won't be able to hold my own in the program. This is what I have wanted for SO long. This is what I have been working towards for the last 6 years. I deserve this and I can do this.
I can't live in a place of fear. I can't function from a place of fear. I can't be afraid of failure. Life doesn't work that way. A Happy life doesn't work that way. Nothing will be accomplished if I let fear take over. In reality, I am more likely to fail if I am afraid of failure. It's really a catch 22. You are afraid of failure therefore you are hesitant & hold yourself back which could eventually lead to failure anyway. It's not a way to live your life. It's not a way to achieve your dream,s.
So with that I am going to bed for a good nights sleep and waking up early to be fully prepared for my first day tomorrow. I'm going to meditate in the morning, have a good breakfast and listen to kickass music on my commute to Charlestown. I am going to prepare myself for success & not be afraid.
Don't be afraid. Tackle tomorrow with a new sense of confidence. Don't let fear rule your life. Kick ass this week, this month, this life.