My Meditation Journey
originally written onFeb 20, 2020
I have been a yoga instructor for about 5 years now and so I have totally been meditating everyday for every year since then… obviously….
KIDDING!!
I have known for a while that meditation is good for your mind, body and soul but it has taken it a while to stick. I meditated on and off for a while to help keep my anxious mind under control. It was hard to make it stick. I tried all different kinds of meditations. I loved some and I hated others. I even went through a phase of feeling like I was a bad yoga teacher because I wasn’t the perfect meditator. It was quite the journey but now I have landed in a spot where I feel satisfied and comfortable with my meditation practice. I also feel comfortable to try new things and continue to learn new (and maybe better practices).
When I first started yoga, I only meditated in yoga classes. My yoga practice was an incredible journey for me and brought me so much in itself (read more here). I loved (and still do) the feeling of laying down in savasana after a long sweaty yoga class and drifting into a sweet state of meditation. Outside of yoga, I couldn’t figure out how to access that same level of bliss. To be honest, part of the reason I never stuck with meditation is I ALWAYS felt like I was doing it wrong. If you learn anything from this post, let it be this: you are NOT doing it wrong. Meditation is a personal, intimate practice. You cannot do it wrong for YOU.
After becoming a yoga instructor, I took a couple of workshops and started learning more about different types of meditation. I decided to start meditating to help with my anxiety. I tried a LOT of different things… some stuck, some didn’t. My first favorite meditation is from my yoga teacher training and is a mantra meditation. Here is how it went:
Repeat:
I know I am breathing in (inhale)
I know I am breathing out (exhale)
Breathing in, I calm my body and mind (inhale)
Breathing out, I smile (exhale)
I dwell in the present moment (inhale)
I know this is a precious moment (Exhale)
Repeat 3-5 times
In (inhale)
Out (exhale)
Calm (inhale)
Smile (exhale)
Present (inhale)
Precious (exhale)
Repeat 2-3 times
You can repeat this as often as you would like. You can repeat the mantras in your head or out loud. You can perform it standing up or laying down. I liked it because even a couple of rounds could calm my monkey mind and help me center in the moment. This was the first form of meditation that stuck for a while.
Since then, I have tried a variety of types of meditation. I have tried clearing my mind for ten minutes, I have tried walking meditations, and guided meditations. I loved some and hated others. Here are a few of my favorite guided meditations from Love Your Brain, a non profit that brings yoga and meditation to those who have suffered a traumatic brain injury:
For me, guided meditations were an easier way to drop into a meditative state because I could focus on something other than myself. Early in my journey, having this guidance was useful and really supportive. To this day, I still use a guided meditation every now and then. Even still, it was hard to stay connected to a daily meditation.
Something changed last spring. My aunt suddenly passed away in May at the age of 59 and my world was turned upside down. I was struggling with a mix of anxiety, grief and I am sure a bit of depression. I started reading a couple of different books to keep my mind off what I was feeling. One of those was Stress Less, Accomplish More By: Emily Fletcher (I highly recommend it). The book outlined hard facts as to why meditation is so great and how it can help. My logical brain grasped to those facts so hard while I was in the depths of an emotional shit show. The book also gave me a program of sorts, a structure. At the time, I was highly lacking structure-- thanks to quitting my full time job and turning my professional life upside down on top of everything.
Some of my favorite tidbits from the book were:
“If you have a backlog of stress, which is true for pretty much everyone living in Western society, your brain is forced to use your sleeping time for stress release rather than rest.”
“the state of consciouness achieved in meditation is anywhere from two to five times deeper than sleep.”
Air travel can easily cause or aggravate illness—> “For five to six hour flight, add two extra fifteen minute meditations, for a total of four that day.”
In a 2015 study, scientists found that a group that practice mindfulness experienced 27 percent reduction in physical pain perception and a 44 percent reduction in their emotional reaction to the pain, including their anxiety about the unpleasant sensation.
Meditation helps you accept where you are and the possibility of healing.
The structure I was so desperately seeking was this:
2 set times a day to meditate: one in the morning, one in the evening
Specific steps to get started
The ability to lay down
A mantra
I meditated twice daily for quite some time but then life started getting full again. The idea of a second meditation stressed me out more than it helped… I do agree with an old adage “If you don’t have 10 minute to meditate, you should meditate for an hour.”.... Within reason. After trying out a couple of different times of days, length of medis and amount of meditations a day, I landed on my sweet spot.
I still perform the meditation from Stress Less but I perform it once a day first thing in the morning. I was VERY structured for a while but I will admit that I slip up now and again. Except now, when I slip up I don’t get mad at myself. I give myself grace and I understand that life is ever changing. Usually when I skip my meditation, it is because I am traveling or visiting friends and family and I want to get right into my day and soak up time with others. I try to be as disciplined as possible but sometimes, I miss it. And THAT. IS. OKAY.
In honesty, I can tell when I haven’t meditated. Even if I don’t have a specifically stressful day or a lot to do, I notice when I don’t meditate. My energy is a little more scattered, my brain is a little less clear and I am more prone to anxiety. I can feel it in my heart and in my gut. I usually end up craving meditation on the days that I miss it because my body can tell the difference.
It has taken me some time to get here and it has definitely been a journey but I am proud of my meditation journey. I have learned so much and I have so much to share with you all. If you are new to meditation or hoping to try meditation soon, try some of the methods above. If you still are unsure AND you live in Boston, come into the new Live Good, Feel Good location for meditation classes or 1:1 meditation services. If you do not live in Boston, sign up for online 1:1 guided meditations!