Reflections on a tough season
In the Fall of 2023, I took 10 days at Kripalu to spend some time in the forest I now call home at the Kripalu School of Mindful Outdoor Leadership. In those 10 days, I spend 95% of my time outdoors, did some deep reflection, learned lots, and faced some fears. I shared some snaps and a reflection on instagram but then quickly got back into my "normal" routine.
It's taken a while for that experience to fully integrate and sink in. I think sometimes when you are fully immersed in a deeply healing and reflective experience, reality can hit you pretty hard when you enter back into day to day life. At least that's how it felt for me. On top of that, the weather and my work was beginning to change.
This winter held a lot of interesting personal, professional and situational challenges for Chris and I this year. It was our first year in our new home— our first winter and... we learned a lot. (and our now proud owners of a plow truck!)
With all of that, I didn't get outside as much as I did all Spring/Summer/Fall of 2022. It was just something that I let fall to the wayside. Something so integral to my healing over the years slowly fell down the priority list. Work. Other people. house projects. holidays. rest. all took priority.
And that's not always a bad thing.
I talk about season a lot in my work. The seasons of the natural world around us and the seasons of world within us. We all go through our own season of light and dark, challenging and easeful, death and rebirth. It's really pretty impossible to produce and be ON 24/7 265 days a year.
For me, this winter was a true winter. It was a winter inside and outside.
There were of challenges and obstacles. A decent chunk of failure and not a lot of productivity. There was quite a bit of cocooning under warm blankets and not really wanting to leave my bed.
There was also a lot of reflection and coming to terms with what was no longer working (and of course, what was). There was A LOT of learning (did I mention the plow? If you asked me 5 years ago, I don't think I would have known plow trucker driver would be added to my resume) and a lot of growing.
We all go through tough seasons of life and this was definitely one of mine. There is learning in tough, quiet, dark season of life and there is a lot of growth.
Here's the thing though: While you are IN a tough season of life, it doesn't feel like learning or growth. Often it can feel pretty crappy. It can feel challenging and never ending and exhausting. I get that— which is probably why, I am sitting down to right this now— in Mach of 2023 when the darkness feels like it has lifted ever so slightly.
Call it the energy of the Spring Equinox or the lengthening of each day but there is more hope and excitement within me. The possibilities feel a bit more... well possible. It's starting to feel like oh, right, that was a hard season, but there are other seasons.
If you're in a tough season of life right now, I see you and I understand you. I won't say you will get through this (although you will) but what I will say is this sucks but you are still a wonderful, beautiful, badass.
Here are some ways I supported myself through a tough season of life:
SLEEP more: I tried to let myself sleep when I could without guilt. yes, my weekends didn't look as productive as normal but that's okay, my body and brain liked the sleep.
MORE alone time: I felt that in the midst of processing a lot I needed to protect my energy. So I did. At first it was hard as a chronic people pleaser to say no to things but then it felt essential.
Focus on what feels GOOD: I mean this in terms of workouts, food, people. It wasn't a huge time of making GAINS but I stayed moving and I fueled myself with things that I did NOT dread.
More of my FAVORITE things: I love reading. I could get lost in books for hours— in fact, I have quite often. I ordered some books from my favorite authors, went to the library and borrowed books from my family. I let myself get lost in other worlds and it really soothed my soul.
Sending all my love to those of you in a tough season of life. Here is to spring— new possibilities, new opportunities and new energy!