The Gift of Gratitude
Originally written on Nov 27 2019
Happy Thanksgiving friends!
Today is a day to give thanks, a day of gratitude, and to be honest, gratitude is one of my favorite things to talk about. It is one of my favorite things to talk about it because it has been so life-changing for me.
This time last year, I was absolutely miserable. I was in a job that made me hate myself, my decisions, and my dreams. I was angry all the time because I felt like I had made the wrong choice. I felt like I had failed at pursuing my dream. I felt like I had wasted 7 years of my life pursuing a dream that I didn’t actually like. And that sucked.
The problem was, I was completely sucked into the shittiness of the situation. I was drowning in how miserable I was and I couldn’t see anything else besides that misery. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy at times and I had some great adventures with my love, friends, and family. Yet, on a day-to-day basis, I couldn’t get out of the shitstorm that I felt was brewing around me. I had no sense of gratitude or pride for where I was
While yes, that old job was not right for me. ( you can read more here), I slowly realized I could make the best out of a bad situation. At some point in early 2019, I made the change from “I have to go to work and treat people.” to “I GET to go to work and help people.” That simple change made the day-to-day more manageable. While that job ended up not working out in the long run, I realized how a simple switch in gratitude could go a long way.
5 minutes of sitting and breathing, 3 things I am grateful for.
I quit that job and I started pursuing my dreams. Shortly after that, my aunt passed away suddenly at the age of 59. And boy, did gratitude for that situation feel unattainable. For a while, I wasn’t grateful. I was sad and angry and confused (as was/is my whole family). I immediately started thinking about all the things my Aunt would miss. I wouldn’t be able to call her when I get engaged, she wouldn’t be at my wedding, when I opened my retreat center she wouldn’t be able to come stay for a weekend (#bigdreams). I thought about all she had planned for her life still-- a move to the NOFO, Aruba for her 60th birthday, me convincing her to open her own store.
I don’t know when the shift happened but I had a sudden realization that my Aunt had a whole life before I was born and she was fully present for 28 full years of my life. I’ve looked back on pictures and she was ALWAYS freaking smiling. She was always showering us with love and I honestly don’t remember her complaining about anything. (god, she totally could have complained about how bratty I was as a teenager)
I cannot pinpoint the moment but I was hit with a holy shit, come to god sort of moment. I had been SO SO miserable for the better part of 1.5 years and I was sick of being miserable. I had spent so much time being so sick and tired and I was so tired of being sick and tired. I was so sad that my Aunt is gone and I still am but I have SO much to be grateful for and SO much to be happy about. I think if I learned anything from my aunt passing away it is that there is only this life and this moment. You can choose to love it or you can choose to hate it but at the end of the day, it is your choice. You can choose to be happy or your can choose to be miserable. Because at the end of the day, sometimes life just plain sucks. You can just to wallow in the suck or you can choose to embrace everything that does not suck. If you can smile through the suck, just like my Aunt smiled through everything, you can empower yourself to move through it. Still, in this moment on our first holiday season without her, gratitude is really freaking difficult to find. But, as cliche as it sounds, I know she would want me to appreciate what I have and cherish what I have become.
Extremely grateful to have the most supportive family
On any given day, life can throw some serious shit your way. I’ve had my fair share of it but I have also had my fair share of amazing adventures, love, and great opportunities. So now, I decide that every day is going to be a good day. I decide that I am going to be happy.
A huge piece of this decision is gratitude. I wake up every morning and no matter how tired I am or how cold I am (Boston man), I am damn grateful to be waking up next to the love of my life in a comfortable bed with a job to go to. I do my best to even on the hardest days to leave work and be grateful that the day is over and I am heading home. When I am beyond exhausted and can’t wait to get horizontal, I am grateful to have a warm bed to lie down in. Gratitude is not always easy but I can honestly tell you that the simple act of being grateful has made me a happier person. Honestly, it has made me a better person. A better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, and a better physical therapist.
For me, gratitude has changed the game. The minute I decided to take a part-time job that I was TRULY grateful to receive, I had the best week in my personal business. The best part is gratitude is probably one of my least time-consuming self-care practices. I can literally do it whenever and wherever I want. I can share it with others or keep it to myself. So if you are looking for a low-cost, low-risk, low-time commitment.
So this finishes off this rant of gratitude, I want to write a list of what I am grateful for. I am sure I will leave something out but that’s okay.
Today, I am grateful for:
The opportunity to teach Thanksgiving day flow at a new studio home
Teaching yoga weekly again
Enjoying my job
My first Thanksgiving cooking with Chris
No place to be on Friday besides getting lost in nature with my love
A loving family that I miss a lot
Family that has been through hell but still loves each other
A part time job that respects my boundaries
The best month in my business that exceeded my expectations after 5 months
The fact that I own my own business!
A supportive, loving, amazing boyfriend that not only tolerates all my crazy ideas but believes in them more than i believe in myself sometimes
A week off at christmas to visit chris’s family and my family
A house with a big garden in the city
A beautiful (although small) office
A new loving yoga community that feels like I truly belong
New clients that I care for
A really cozy, hygge space that Chris and I have created
Friends: new & old that love me for me
Big, scary dreams to fuel my fire
A flexible work schedule
There are so many things in my life to be grateful forl. Just thinking of them makes me happy and to be honest, right now I am exhausted, hungry and ready for a nap.
Even on the darkest of days, gratitude keeps my light on— keeps me moving forward. Even when I am grieving, when I am sad, when I am tired and when I want to quit, gratitude helps me connect to my why, appreciate where I have been and know where I am going.
I know life isn’t all roses and ponies and I know gratitude is hard but believe when I say, a little goes a long way. Just start today….
What are three things you are grateful for?
The way I end most of my yoga classes & how I will end this post: It is with the utmost gratitude that I bow to you. Namaste.