So, I did a thing

originally written on March 17 2019

Sooo, I did a thing.

I quit my corporate job.

I quit my good on paper corporate job.  

My stable, good paying, good benefits, good company name job.

I quit my job and I don’t have a solid plan.  

I have ideas, lots of ideas and plenty of opportunities, but not a solid plan, and that’s OK.

For the first time in my life I don’t know my next move, and I am in NO rush to make it.

Holy sh*t is that liberating, downright terrifying too, but still so freeing!

yeah, I shocked myself too.

Here’s the thing, I have never been so scared about a decision and at the same time, the choice has never been so clear to me.  It was something I didn’t want to do but I knew I had to do.

How did I know?

1. The anxiety creeping into my personal life

2. The anxiety I had looking at my schedule for each day and week

3. The anger I had towards myself and my situation

4. Never feeling well rested

5. Never feeling like I was on top of my job/notes/life

6. Always feeling like I was missing something

7. Never feeling good in my body.

8. Losing all motivation

9. Losing all inspiration

10. Not really feeling happy

11. Coming home and crying myself to sleep

12. The gut feeling that I could not just do it anymore

I am not going to bash my company or list all the reasons I hated the job.  There were a lot of great parts of my position but when it comes down to it, it was not the position for me.  I have finally come to terms with the fact that it’s okay.  Yes, it is okay.

It is okay to make a choice for YOU and only you.  It is okay to take the path less traveled.

I struggled so much with this decisions because I felt like I was letting everyone down.  I felt like I was disappointing my patients, my parents, my boss, my coworkers, and myself.  I felt spoiled because I had this “good” job with good benefits at a good location.  Who was I to quit just because I wasn’t “happy”.  Seriously, who did I think I was to think that I should be happy?......

Yeah, you read that right.  I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.  I thought that I deserved a job that made me miserable.

I am sorry but how f*cked is that.  Still, it took me a while to realize that.

It finally slapped me across the face when I realized I was not being the person I wanted to be in my personal and professional relationships.  I was not the friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, niece, physical therapist, and coworker I wanted to be.

I was becoming short and angry.  I started feeling distant and anxious.  I was always fatigued and never wanted to leave my house.  I had a to do list a mile long and the thought of crossing something off seemed like the hardest task in the world.  I had sooo many new ideas floating in my head and every single time I went to write them down, I lost inspiration.  One minute inspired, the next frustrated.  It was absolutely NOT who I wanted to be and not how I wanted to live my life.

So after lots of thinking, poking, prodding, overthinking, and talking.  I finally decided.  This job was 1000% not in alignment with who I wanted to be.  

So I quit.

So what is in alignment for me?

I want to use my yoga background in my physical therapy practice.  I want to spend 1:1 time with patients and really get to know them.  I want to have flexible hours for my patients and myself.  I want a holistic healthcare experience tailored to each patients physical, mental, and emotional needs.  I want more for my patients and more for myself.

I don’t know how that is going to look yet but don’t worry I will figure it out, and stay tuned as I have exciting things in the works!

First, quick word on doing what you want.

Not enough of us do what we want.

We spend so much time wishing, hoping, and dreaming.  We work hard, bust our asses and accept less than we deserve.  We worry so much about what other people think we should or shouldn’t do, and we stop thinking about what we want to do.

I told three of my younger patients that I would be leaving my company and why.  When I told them, they cited me as “incredibly inspirational” and “so cool” and “inspiring for following my heart”.  I mean yeah, I felt good about my decision but I didn’t think I was a role model.  In fact, I was still a little embarrassed to admit I was quitting.

But then I realized, that most young people are just as scared about the burn out as I am.  They have good ideas and passion, but they are so afraid of being miserable at their first job.  They assume they have to accept whatever opportunity is presented to them first, not what they want.  They think they have to fit in the cookie cutter mold of what their career traditionally looks like.  Most people in their 20s have NO idea what they are doing and are too afraid to admit that.  So they are too afraid to try and too afraid to fail

How do I know this? BECAUSE THIS WAS ME.

I am here to call bull.  You do not have to be exactly like every other person who has graduated from your graduate program.  You do not have to be the cookie cutter version of a successful career in your field.  You definitely don’t have to pursue your career in the traditional way.  You don’t even have to go into the field that you studied in school.  You don’t HAVE to do something just because someone else did it before you, or because you think you should, or because some teacher told you you had to.   You only HAVE to do what you want to do.

You are 100% in charge of your happiness and YOU get to decide how you want to make that happen.  Your career is just that, yours.  You should get to decide how it looks. 

So here is to the untraditional way, the scary way, and the happy way.  Here’s to the career of my dreams! I hope this inspires you to pursue yours too.